WHAT IS

Traumatic Cognitive

Dissonance?

When truth manipulation and other forms of deceit and coercion are experienced on a chronic basis, the result is a devastating, disorienting, and bewildering form of trauma with a very unique indicator that goes far beyond typical trauma and stress-related symptoms. To describe this unique symptom indicator, I have coined the term Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance (TCD).

Traumatic Cognitive

Dissonance (TCD)

can be defined as:

A distinct form of internal conflict that is the direct result of truth manipulation and covert abuse within the context of a relationship with a disordered personality where the abuser disorients the victim’s brain and nervous system with relentless contradictions. This results in contradictory beliefs about yourself, contradictory beliefs about your pathological partner, and contradictory beliefs about the true nature of the relationship dynamic.

In addition to the dissonant thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that constantly intrude upon victims and survivors, traumatic cognitive dissonance simultaneously activates and maintains what is known as dorsal vagal shutdown, which is the “freeze” response in your autonomic nervous system. What begins as intrusive contradictory thoughts becomes a constant state of imbalance. This can be both confusing and demoralizing.

As if all this isn’t bad enough, most victims blame themselves for thinking and feeling “conflicted” and punish themselves with harsh criticism for not being able to decipher the truth or to just “get over it.”

Here are some of the most common indicators that traumatic cognitive dissonance may be occurring within you:

·   Rumination or “racing thoughts” about the relationship make you feel “amped up” and “shut down” at the same time.

·   Loss of cognitive control of your behavior and possibly acting out of character as a result (diminished executive functioning).

·  Discursive thoughts, feelings, and beliefs related to self-identity (as if you don’t know who you are anymore). 

·      Emotional paralysis/feeling stuck/chronic “freeze” response. 

·      Heightened defensiveness and sensitivity/inability to detect a genuine threat of safety from a perceived one, and fearing both. 

·      Complete loss of self-worth.

·      Excessive self-blame.

·      Dissociative experiences like staring into space/tuning out/losing time. 

·      Random reassembling of memories of your abusive relationship which confuse you and cause you to question how you truly feel about your abuser. This can also cause you to question whether you are even capable of accurately grasping the relationship dynamics or if you have made the right decision about the status of the relationship (staying or leaving).

·      Unwarranted feelings of extreme guilt and shame.

·      The feeling or fear that you have “gone crazy” and you cannot trust yourself, your perception, or your own judgment.

·      A profound sense of emotional isolation.

·      Desire for physical isolation while simultaneously needing to be with others so as to be supported and understood.

·      Inability to make even the most basic, trivial, everyday decisions.

·      Pushing away your instincts and intuition.

·      Experiencing constant fear and threat states without an identifiable cause.

·      Thought immobilization. Feeling stuck in the same thought without being able to stay focused enough to make a decision or come to any conclusions.

·      Difficulty processing communication with others or engaging in dialogue.

·      Insomnia or hypersomnia. Or both.

·      Psychomotor immobilization (difficulty physically functioning and getting your body to move at will).

·      Feeling like a fraud or a failure.

·      Feeling like an imposter.

·      Terrifying vivid nightmares or vivid images throughout the day that come seemingly out of nowhere.

·      Worst case scenario thoughts.

·      Inability to disengage from your former partner in a variety of ways, e.g. looking up their social media accounts, going over past conversations and arguments, arguing “with them” internally to try and prove points that they dismissed even after you are no longer in contact with them.

·      Generalized anxiety.

·      Hypervigilance.

·      Inability to create a personal sense of safety.

·      Suicidal ideation resulting from emotional and physical fatigue rather than from depression or self-loathing.

 Even if you are only experiencing a few of these symptoms on the traumatic cognitive dissonance checklist, your sense of wellbeing can be significantly disrupted. Existing in this disruptive mental state can be confusing, demoralizing and ultimately very stressful. 

Feeling Frozen in Place

In addition to the random dissonant thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that relentlessly intrude upon a victim of pathological relationship abuse, traumatic cognitive dissonance also simultaneously activates and maintains a chronic “freeze” response in the autonomic nervous system. The brain of a victim assembles multiple neural pathways of fear, shame, and doubt that activate reminders of the abuse and maintain cognitive dissonance. This happens as a result of sustained manipulation and abuse from a disordered personality. These reminders of your trauma and manipulation sustain your dissonant beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you.

Here’s how it works: whenever we perceive danger, social engagement is instinctively the first thing we seek out. If we succeed in finding a safe person during a threat response, relaxation occurs; if we can’t find someone to co-regulate with and feel safe with when we’re in danger, fight or flight is instinctively activated. If fight or flight is prevented or is not an option, freezing occurs. It is this freeze response that becomes the baseline level of functioning for individuals who are suffering from traumatic cognitive dissonance as a result of pathological relationship abuse.

The dorsal vagal complex or freeze response system is the oldest threat response system in the body. While the dorsal vagal state is designed to promote survival, prolonged activation of this “freeze state” as a result of chronic fear can lead to the mental haziness and physiological stress that are characteristic of traumatic cognitive dissonance. Dorsal vagal “shutdown” puts the mind and body into a paralysis of sorts. Not only is this chronic immobilization physically and emotionally exhausting, but it’s also disorienting and confusing for the victim. It’s as if you can’t figure out what’s wrong while at the same time you can’t figure out why you can’t figure it out.

Traumatic cognitive dissonance is one of the most debilitating trauma symptoms that can occur after being involved with a disordered personality. Unfortunately, it is also almost completely undetected, overlooked, misunderstood, or surprisingly, even denied by the vast majority of mental health professionals who specialize in treating complex trauma.

Let me assure you that the missing piece you have been searching for to make sense of your disorienting, debilitating situation so that you may recover once and for all and reunite with your true sense of self can be found in understanding traumatic cognitive dissonance. And that’s where I come in.